BNP Polly wants a cracker vote

Griffin: Polly wanna cracker?

People often assume that the British National Party (BNP) are just an unhygienic bunch of thick racists. It’s probably true in Bob’s case, but there’s a lot more to running the party into the ground than just getting a bunch of mates, family and sycophants on the payroll.

The party is about to enter its fourth year of free-fall; down from some 14,000 members at the start of 2010 to a mere few hundred by the end of next year.

They’ve tried everything to connect with the wider electorate-and not just by sending their leader onto Question Time to act like a buffoon. They’ve tried a God-bothering homophobic fundraiser, black member(s) a Jewish councillor, a gay member (hounded out for being, well, gay funnily enough), teachers unfit to teach, a “granny porn” actress, all to no avail.

Today however, the BNP may have finally hit the nail of success on the head: White people; these are the ones who can assure “greater racial justice and equality throughout the UK.” I kid you not, the BNP has launched “Operation White Vote”.

Operation White Vote: More BNP mugs

And it’s all based on some quite serious research. According to the BNP, their research has shown that despite the party’s well known “huge support…. Our supporter base has given up on democracy”. Hmm, interesting. No mention of a certain UKIP factor or the fact that it was believing that the BNP had given up on pretending to be democratic that lost them lots of members and supporters in the first place.

No, according to the BNP’s research team, the party is on the brink of taking power in this country and it all it needs is to get a lot of white people to vote for them. And how will they do this? Simple. By sending the BNP some cash, you can as good as buy some stupid white bloke to vote for them.

For £250, the BNP even guarantees “100 BNP voters at the next election.” (That’s approximately 100 pints of cheap bitter too, by the way.)

Unsurprisingly, the BNP claims “you can imagine just how powerful this initiative would be..” Indeed, I can. Just like every other initiative they’ve come up with, including dying for the party, this initiative is all about other people’s money. By our reckoning, if the current [don’t believe their recent return to the electoral commission] 1780 BNP members cough up the minimum of £2.50 each, that buys the BNP er, 1780 pints of cheap lager/votes.

So as the BNP enters its thirty-second year of miserable existence, they cannot be that far from actually charging people to vote for them. They’ve tried everything else, even offering non-whites one-way tickets to foreign destinations.

The BNP really is the true and proper white man’s burden. They’re almost as amusing as they are financially and morally dubious. This serious research by the BNP’s dynamic and Aryan research team will probably be available to download on a beer mat soon