What with far-right group Britain First taking to the streets of London to hand out cans of lager in the name of Christianity, we thought what with the holiest time of the Christian calendar fast approaching, it was time to take a good look at fascists and their God complexes.

The Reverend Robert West

Fake Rev:

Fake Rev:

Robert West, to call him by his real name, has been around a while. No wedding, baptism or funeral would be too big or too small for the Reverend, though none would be entirely legal or pleasant (what with him running his “church” from his garage.) The Reverend West was ordained by the Christian Council of Britain. If you haven’t heard of it, West is the head of that too. West believes that God wants people of different colour and religions to live separately and he’s quite often wheeled out by the BNP in his dog’s collar as some kind of spokesperson for the argument that Jesus is most definitely white and approves of racial hatred. Although he wore a dog collar when the BNP leader Nick Griffin re-dedicated his love to Mrs Griffin at a posh hotel he has not, unsurprisingly, married or baptised any of the Griffin spawn.

Nick Griffin

Proof if anything, that Beelzebub is real. Nick Griffin used to take Christianity quite seriously. He’s an admirer of at least one cross-burner. Back in 2009 when Griffin and his party were meant to be on their way to better things, Griffin scared some 250,000 school children who stumbled across him reading the Nativity story on Youtube. It was a particularly poignant time in his household he told people, and went on to compare the birth of his grandchild to the birth of Jesus! Griffin must nowadays blame God for his slump in the political charts as he now instead, issues a “Christmas message” which is even less sexy and relevant than that of Elizabeth II.

Dowson: Wishing he had a womb

Dowson: Wishing he had a womb

Jim Dowson

Leader of Britain First, Dowson was recently described as a con-man by of all people, Nick Griffin. Dowson was actually trained as a Calvinist Minister but hatched upon a better idea before finishing his studies. Dowson just bought a great big bloody church instead in Cumbernauld and began a campaign of hating gays and young woman in the family way from the pulpit. He’s none too fond of Catholics and Muslims either, but at least he has presided over one wedding. Records in Fife show that Dowson has performed one marriage-during his time as a licenpiate. He’s also turns up uninvited at several civil ceremonies and gay marriages where he shouts abuse at happy couples.

Paul Golding

Nick Griffin described Golding as a “pikie” at last weekend’s BNP meeting. Golding is the patriotic Christian who leads Britain First’s street activities, where “Christians” try and force cans of Belgian lager down the throats of non-believers. Had a rather excellent clash with LBC’s Iain Dale recently when Dale drew Golding’s fire and brimstone by demanding to know where Golding goes to church.

Paul Golding: Stella's favourite choir boy

Paul Golding: Stella’s favourite choir boy

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Dorothy Firth

Dorothy is the loving and loyal wife of English Defence League (EDL) thug and criminal, Roger Firth. Roger often describes his wife as a pillar of the community and a regular church goer. Indeed she is. Dorothy is a regular attendee at a spiritualist church near their home in South London, where she and others apparently try and raise the dead. This will no doubt come in useful when it comes to resurrecting the EDL.

Roger & Dorothy Firth: Who knows what they'll dig up

Roger & Dorothy Firth: Who knows what they’ll dig up