It would be wrong to pick just one favourite far-right extremist, but at a push I would say Paul Weston comes pretty close to mine.
Ever since we first met on a muddy field in Amsterdam way back in 2010, I knew then that Weston was going to be special.
The former UKIP man was the first to spot the non-potential of the English Defence League (EDL) and very quickly threw himself into making them his chief project. As leader of the short lived British Freedom Party (BFP), the political wing of the EDL, Weston caroused his way around the world with EDL founders’ Kevin Carroll and Stephen Lennon like they were his personal pet monkeys and a meal ticket to a life time of aperitifs.
Weston sincerely believed that the EDL were about to be elected as the government of Britain and in preparation, told American television that he and his political party were prepared to stand in every constituency for both the House of Commons and the House of Lords.
Queried as to how many seats that would mean Weston and chums standing in, Weston seem rather non-plussed. He was even more surprised to hear that the House of Lords was non-elected. Cripes, what fun he was!
Then there was the time he claimed he had gone to bed in Stockholm as the victim of a vicious assault by hardened anarchists, but as it turned out, he was just pissed and entirely the author of his own apparent misfortune the next morning.
A loyal type, he even stormed a London prison when pet monkey Stephen Lennon was sent there for being a naughty monkey and demanded his release. Sadly, Weston had the wrong bloody prison and was even demanding the release of a fictional character. To make matters worse, he found himself banged up too and there was no-one willing to bring him his Horlicks.
Weston eventually gave up on the British Freedom Party and the EDL, feeling perhaps, he was far too mighty to be hanging around with the likes of Kevin Carroll. One of Weston’s parting gifts was to help humiliate Lennon and Carroll during their bungled escape from Walthamstow-from which the EDL has never really recovered.
For a while Paul took up letter writing to the PM, perhaps an old chum from the Bullingdon Club, demanding all kinds of things be done to save the nation
Then he tried to jump into bed with the neo-Nazis of the British Democratic Party (BDP), but they decided they already had enough self important Oxbridge careerist types of their own, plus they thought, bizarrely, that Weston was a little dim.
Weston resurfaced during the recent elections with a Jonny Foreigner and an ass as head of the culturally superior Liberty GB. He even had one of his minions email us and demand we include them in our list of hate groups. But instead we just had a chuckle at how stupid they were.
We even ignored Weston’s attempt to martyr himself by getting arrested. So too did the electorate, with even the posh folk in the South East region only giving them 0.11% of their beastly votes.
Now it seems Weston thinks he is some kind of gun for hire. Or perhaps, he needs someone to fork out for the odd knees-up on the Muslim-hating gravy train. He is currently touting himself around the far-right looking for a political home. We’re still waiting to hear the result of his secret-sit down with Britain First on the weekend.
Our sources tell us that Weston sat down with moneybags Jim Dowson in a London hotel for a whole two hours. What exactly was discussed we do not know (yet), but Weston was seen arriving with a bundle of holiday brochures with pages earmarked as to where he thinks he can spread his counter-jihad nonsense in a five star environment with a swimming pool and 24-hour buffet. As there are as yet, no reports of any stones admitted to hospital bleeding profusely, it’s fair to say he got short-shrift from Dowson.
This does not leave much of the rest of the far-right for Weston to offer himself too, which is a shame. He might not do politics very well, but he does make a bloody good Martini. Maybe he’ll end up giving Nick Griffin a foot rub.. who knows..