A bizarre video came out of the far-right last week, more bizarre than usual. It’s been a long time since we have mentioned the New British Union (NBU) which is led by former British National Party (BNP), organiser and Britain First activist, Gary Raikes.
Raikes went to bed one day a few years ago and woke up the next morning in the 1930’s. Since then he has stomped around the internet in grainy black and white videos believing his body has been possessed by the spirit of Oswald Mosley.
Ever since that life-defining moment in his life, Raikes has never left the house without a pair of Jack boots and a shouty expression on his face. He also wears a hat. Because he has gone bald.
Evenings in the Raikes household are spent with Mrs Raikes knitting coats for dogs (true), and Raikes (the ‘Leader’ to, well, mainly himself) sitting in their backroom in Aberdeen fiddling with his wireless and trying to pick up updates from the Berlin Olympics.
So weird is Raikes, that like the far-right, we have thought it better to ignore him. Even when he appointed a ‘Health & Efficiency’ officer to the organisation, I refused to be drawn on gags about nude table tennis etc, etc. I showed the leader the respect he deserved.
At the end of last year, Raikes and seven others met in the backroom of a pub in Preston where Raikes outlined his vision for a new Britain under his leadership; women doing the ironing, Germany winning the World Cup, Alsatians reading the weather report on the wireless, a new tram network for central London and polished boots for every blond haired-blue eyed young boy in the land. Those Alsatians would have snazzy winter-warmers, too. Courtesy of Mrs Raikes’s fine, Aryan knitting needles.
Raikes also demanded that other far-right groups disband and join the NBU and purchase their uniform of black shirt and pants for a bargain £37.50 which was (for some daft reason) being imported from Target stores in the United States. He warned that all other far-right groups in Britain were destined to failure unless they appointed him, with lashings of Brylcreem to slick their locks in an appropriate manner, as their leader.
At the end of the meeting, those present (except Jack Renshaw who thought it was too homoerotic) had to kiss the Leader’s ring and swear undying loyalty to him. Afterwards, they had a buffet of chicken sandwiches and four sausage rolls. On the drive home, Raikes stopped to offer some on the spot guidance to some people at a bus stop. Such is his life, leading white people to the supermarket and beyond.
Since that triumph-of the will meeting, Raikes is upset that no other far-right group has acquiesced to his demands and desisted with their own plans. So bitterly angry is he, he has turned to making a video-in colour!!
Sadly- due to him probably using the same amateur film maker as Britain First, much of what he says is drowned out by music that sounds like the B-Side to the Emmerdale soundtrack. It does open with a siren however, which gives it the sense of urgency it deserves.
Seriously, there is six minutes of music and an inaudible and vexed Raikes for three minutes shouting into the camera that nobody is listening to him. The last three minutes had pictures of fascists being beaten up, but by then I felt like I’d already eaten a Mars bar with the wrapper on.
Next week, Raikes is going to run a marathon from the back of his German motor car. It’s onwards and upwards for the 1930’s Nazi.