Losers in politics and in love...

Readers may recall serial liar, bullshit artist and Walter Mitty type, Tommy “the gun” Law.

Law had convinced many in the British far right that he was the leader of Carrickfergus Ulster Volunteer Force (UVF) but was hiding in England because, having defeated the IRA, they now wanted him dead.

‘They’ll never find me looking like this…’

To aid and abet Law’s unlikely life incognito, the silly tit got a tat to cover half his face. He also became one of the more gobby and offensive fascists on the ‘scene’ in Britain, that back in 2016 looked like it could really boil over into something dangerous.

Law encouraged others to call him “Blackneck”, a Loyalist slang word for a UVF member, and acquired himself somewhat of a cult following by gullible kiddies in Coventry (which is where he moved, allegedly so he could be close to the last great example of the Luftwaffe’s great work).

The English Ulster Defence Association (UDA) were quite open about how they felt about Tommy “the gun” Law and called him a liar. Law responded by calling them “Jap bastards”, which is quite genuine UVF vernacular for the numerically superior UDA.

UVF member?

We were so curious about all this business, that we asked an Irish journalist to approach the UVF (you can actually do this stuff, believe it or not…) and ask if Tommy “the gun” Law was one of their members.

The UVF duly denied Law was a member, but did not deny knowing him. They also said should anyone reprint Law’s lies they would seek a retraction. And who would deny them such recourse? Whatever it was about Tommy Law, the UVF wanted no part of him.

Law was sent to prison in February 2017 for his part in the Dover riots. Surprisingly, he did not get to prison and declare himself the OIC on the wings, or paint a large mural in the toilets depicting his legendary exploits at the Battle of the Boyne. No, it was all quite quiet and deflating.

Anyway, Law has now been released from prison and has been planning to pick up where he left off. The North West Infidels (NWI) need a leader, what with that Shane Calvert doing more porridge than even the Two Ronnies.

But there is an almighty fly in the ointment. While Tommy “the gun” Law was ‘doing bird’ it appears (in genuine prison vernacular) that somebody else was stirring his porridge on the outside. Step forward Luke Pippen.

Pippen: Known grass with better tattoos than Tommy Law

Pippen was thrown out of the National Front (NF) in May of last year because he did not go to prison for his part in riotous behaviour.

No, according to the NF, Pippen did some kind of deal and quietly got himself a suspended sentence instead. As a result of not getting jail, Pippen was driven from Wales by a series of dark threats by his former fascist friends.

Anyway, who should Law return home to find in bed with his own Goldilocks? None other than pip-squeak Pippen.

It’s not for us offer advice on porridge, bird, the sash, filthy lucre or even prison etiquette. But surely someone somewhere would’ve warned Law that he was returning home to find Goldilocks in bed with someone else? Not even a ‘Dear John’ letter? She was old, but she was beautiful, and sure her colour it was fine etc, etc.

Margate’s finest

Who recalls another love-lorn loser in Margate’s Gary Field? You may recall that outrageous escapade in October 2016 when Field excitedly waited in anticipation for the arrival of his love interest on Margate’s golden sands, to only find she has got engaged on the way to Margate to the National Front’s Tony Martin? Sure, it was a corker…

Since that horrendous humiliation, Field has reinvented himself. He’s still a vile wally, but has changed his name. Apparently we tainted his past name forever by exposing to the world the barenaked bully was a bit of a stalker.

Not to worry, Field is back on the interweb, not only trawling for love, but back plotting and scheming to attack women antifascists. It’s what he does best. Now going by the name ‘Willie Smith’, Field is stalking a Kent-based antifascist and encouraging others to disrupt and or attack her meetings.

Gary Field: Still carries a flame and cheap deodrant

Field is often found in the Mechanical Elephant on Margate seafront with his shirt off in the toilet trying to squeeze the Bejaysus out of a cyst in his armpit.  It’s not a pretty picture, but it is the result of spraying one’s unwashed armpits 30 times per day with a rather cheap and stinky deodorant.