In this week's instalment, Paul Golding provides refuge for a rapist and town idiot David Jones puts a Briton first.

It’s been a while since we mentioned Paul Golding’s shower, Britain First.

Yes, the once formidable internet sensation has been rather quiet in actual Britain, preferring of late to chance their arm over in Northern Ireland instead.

According to people there, Golding and his gang of bin-bag wearing paramilitary castoffs are a regular occurrence at some of the more unsavoury establishments, shuffling from bar-to-bar.

Our sources report Britain First are ‘tolerated’ by some in the Loyalist community. They can who can just about put up with them as long as they give the pretence, at least, that they are doing something for the community.

Britain second

Golding and Britain First chose Northern Ireland as a base for a number of reasons.

Britain First was formed in Northern Ireland. Golding therefore believes they can take full advantage of provisions made in the Good Friday Agreement back in 1998 to protect the rights of groups and individuals, in the main, but not exclusively, who may have had some part in the conflict there.

Although he was too late for the ‘troubles’ Golding was at the founding meeting of the Protestant Coalition that went on to instigate riots across Belfast during the ‘Flag disputes’ of 2012 and 2013.

Those disputes not only damaged Northern Ireland’s economy but also its image.

Golding is now residing in Northern Ireland (on an on-and-off basis) and hopes to launch a number of legal actions against organisations like Facebook whom he feels breach the GFA in relation to his rights.

It’s serious stuff, folks.

Shaking Stephen

The other reason for Golding and his gang heading to the six counties is that it appears to be the only place in the United Kingdom he can escape from Stephen Lennon (aka Tommy Robinson).

Britain is just not big enough for both of them and Lennon’s far-right detractors have long made noise that he is some sort of IRA supporter (which he isn’t).

So, while Golding is attempting to squeeze every last penny out of Northern Ireland’s low wage economy, he can avoid the humiliation of being laughed at and ridiculed by Lennon and his friends who can access far more lucre in far more lucrative markets.

But, wherever Golding goes, trouble is never far behind him. The local bosses in the Ulster Defence Association (UDA) appear to have taken umbrage with some local Britain First personnel hiding a known rapist they want to “talk to”.

I’ll leave that here, folks. My fingers felt dirty just typing it…

RETURN OF THE VILLAGE IDIOT

A few years ago we received an admonishment from one of Yorkshire’s most stout and upright idiots.

It was Todmorden’s David Jones.

I had made the error of referring to him as a village idiot.  He immediately got on his typewriter (which was missing more than a few keys) and fired off an angry response to us, pointing out that Todmorden was, in fact, a town and not a village.

He has been the source of much amusement and entertainment to us for a good number of years.  He’s paraded around town with a swastika and conducted bizarre and illicit affairs with alleged family members.

David Jones relaxing at home.

He also has a penchant for attempting to purchase an internet bride  with nothing but a postal order and the promise he would put said woman to work day and night in an effort to pay off his debt. He failed.

David pictured at ease with one-time beau, Claire Khaw.

Now Dave is back, back and ready to save Todmorden and Stansfield too! My word, he’s been all around the world..

The best thing about the return of David Jones isn’t just the swastikas, the lonely woes and troubling romance with firearms, it’s more about his attempts to protect the English language. I’m assuming his inability to spell Britain is down to more missing keys on his keyboard.

Which Briton is primary has yet to be confirmed.