Voters prepare to be invaded by tinfoil hat wearers

The perennial PayPal pest of parliament square that is the walking and shouting begging letter James Goddard, has declared his intention to stand for parliament in the seat of Broxtowe, Nottinghamshire, in the forthcoming General Election.

One should applaud Goddard’s decision. Rather than sitting in front of his computer ranting conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory, he will now actually get to engage with real people and in real politics. Of course, this wont come cheap, what with all the lager and sausage rolls it will take too energise his campaign team.

And it won’t be just sausage rolls and lager Goddard claims he needs to fight the seat. He is asking his supporters to cough up £600 more on top of the fifty quid he has already managed to snuffle. With a proposed budget of £650, Goddard is asking for not just the £500 electoral deposit, but also another £100 for “leaflets, banners and expenses to and from Manchester.”

Will Goddard’s Nazi mate Dave Coppin help out?

So obviously it won’t be a massive campaign. By rough estimate, getting Goddard from Manchester to the Wetherspoons in Broxtowe would likely take up a fair chunk of the £150 he has set aside for campaigning. Truth be told, even with the knockdown prices at whichever boozer he chooses to run his campaign from, the remaining £80 is hardly likely to produce enough leaflets and banners to cover a constituency of some 72,000 voters. And let’s be honest, we ourselves would like Goddard to tell the constituency exactly what it is he does stand for. The last leaflet he had put out was an absolute riot:

Goddard’s got history for great leaflets

The reason Goddard has chosen Broxtowe is because it is the seat of Anna Soubry, the former Conservative MP who will this time fight as a ‘Change UK’ candidate. Goddard’s harassment of Soubry made him the pariah he is today.

Goddard claims there is no politician standing that represents what he wants for this country. What Goddard wants for this country is a veritable voter winner. Free crayons and tinfoil hats are a given, but he also wants a “clean no deal Brexit” which he then acknowledges the Brexit Party also wants.

“We are in a battle between good and evil” claims Goddard. He doesn’t actually say which side he is on. He does claim he and his dregs will be knocking on people’s doors and telling lies about people,

Goddard claims that if he is elected, 80% of his salary will go to charity. You would think he would use any monies to payback the ever decreasing gang of gormless people that have paid for Goddard’s predilection for getting himself arrested.

He also claims, “I will be knocking on every single door in the Broxtowe constituency” so at least he has kicked off his campaign with a lie.

Of course, now Goddard has become one of the dreaded “political class” he’ll probably be thrown open to all kinds of scrutiny about his private life. Let’s hope he has no secrets in any dungeons anywhere.

“It’s my way of showing the establishment I will not be going anywhere” Goddard has told his followers. Among the places he won’t be going of course, is to parliament as an MP. Or, given his current exclusion order, anywhere near it.