The sad, bad world of miniature nazis

As sad as they are spotty and stupid

The Liverpool ‘White Man March’ will soon be upon us. Yes, a tiny number of naughty, nutty, neo-nutzis will descend on the city on 15th August to prove that they are, well, white.

And already there is discombobulation about what to wear. Yes, there may be no punctured bicycles on a hillside and the charming men will be few and far between, but already there is angst.

For National Action (NA), Factor 30 sun cream as recommended by their mothers is a must. And also, sunglasses. Yes, they must be expecting some kind of burst of Aryan sunshine and the last thing these cretins would want is their pale white skins getting a little bit of colour on them.

Nazis on a field trip

The (failed) schoolboy Alex Davies who co-leads the gang has issued very strict, written instructions. Everyone must be dressed in black-from head to toe. They are, in his own words, “ambassadors to the cause”. Yes, it sounds just like a school trip. I imagine NA will also be supplying a change of undergarments for their members too.

May I suggest, Alex, that you bring along some Clerasil too? If it gets a little cramped at the front of the march, the last thing we would want is an explosion of Aryan puss all over the pavement. And as you’re all uber nazis, make it Clearasil Ultra for good measure.

Alex Davies: A spotty bother

NA’s last outing, in Rotherham last month, ended in tears when the big, bad bruisers of the English Defence League (EDL), took exception to them and battered them. Funnily enough, the EDL did the same to them in Rotherham last year, too. How quaint.

Joining the marchers and morons going to Liverpool are the usual Polish thugs who like to dress up as soldiers. Radaslaw Rekke, currently of Salford in Greater Manchester, has been posing in his bedroom with guns again. Won’t he be gutted when he is turned away for having the wrong clothes and not enough acne?

Radaslaw: All set for Liverpool

And finally, spare a though for Bryony Burton. She has by all accounts been told she is no longer welcome on NA activities because her boyfriend is not white enough! Yep, it’s true. He looks perfectly white to the rest of us, but the last thing we want is Bryony rubbing Garron Helm’s face in it in his home town, do we?

Bryony: Heartbreaker and race mixer